So yesterday was my birthday. Before you ask: yep, it was good! I had fun. 🙂 So as my birthday present to myself, I’m going to make a post that isn’t necessarily focused on the ‘abnormal’ aspects of my life.
A lot of things have been going on, and it’s a little bit crazy. Remember how I kept getting a card that meant romance would be coming into my life very quickly? And then do you remember how I made that breif little post about how annoyed I was at that message my ex sent, and how I thought that’s what it had meant? Well, lots of love-related things have indeed swept into my life.
I actually met up with my ex and we talked. No, we didn’t have sex. We just chatted and caught up. It was refreshing, actually. There were times that it had gotten pretty ugly, way back in the day. But we had a good time, without any of those messy feelings. I found myself considering his offer. Do not make me start lecturing you about women and sexuality. Suffice to say that I have needs to, and I see no problem with responsible NSA sex. So I found myself considering his offer. I have been in a self-imposed dating exile, and we did have good sex. So I’ve been trying to work out the possible positive and negative outcomes of such a situation. That’s crazy thing #1 for you right there.
Crazy Thing #2 is a bit more difficult to explain. Basically, there’s a man older than me. He’s interested in my companionship in all aspects of his life, and part of my being his companion is receiving presents. He’s a nice man, so I’m considering it.
Crazy Thing #3 is a big one. Two years ago, I worked as a janitor in a plant. I was friends with the security guard, who was a couple years older than me, and we hung out a lot. A childhood friend of his came to work there on the same shift as us, so we all three hung out at work, and would go play pool, or go to my apartment and drink and watch movies and play games. We’d all pitch in and order pizza and watch movies on a portable dvd player at work. There was a bit of a love triangle because before Wayne, the childhood friend, got there I had been flirting with the idea of involving myself with Jason, the guard who was head-over-heels for me.
(From this point on all parenthetical exclamations are to be read in an exasperated tone.)
Wayne came along, and we got along instantly. Our senses of humor clicked. He had a girlfriend in Colorado, but we flirted just for the fun of it. (Geminis! Actually, we all three were Gemini.) Jason began to get jealous and defensive, which just made Wayne push him more. (Boys!) Anyway. Wayne and I quit working there within a couple weeks of each other. Wayne moved to Colorado for his girlfriend (Jason and I knew it wouldn’t last.) and I moved out of my apartment and to a town ten minutes away. Eventually Jason moved to Dallas. We talked occasionally on the phone, mostly when I called him because I was bored. Wayne kept in touch with me on the computer and with occasional texs and phone calls, more frequently when he and his girlfriend were on the outs.
Nine months ago he and his girlfriend split, and he wanted me to move out and be his roomie in Colorado. I was unemployed, unhappy, unrestricted, and quite frankly… bored. (Geminis!) So after a little research and some convincing, I agreed. I love an adventure. (Geminis…) We were pretty excited about it. He made a few suggestions on the possibility of romance, but I ignored them. The moving date just kept getting pushed back and pushed back and I gave up on it.
We talked the entire time. He would make his little comments as usual. A few months ago, bored again, he said he would have to come to Texas and date me so I could know what a deceent guy is like, and I said he should. We continued talking and his hints got stronger and stronger. There have been a couple times in the past where we discussed the possibility of dating. He’s convinced it would work because according to him I’m his best friend, and he loves me, and we get along so well. I’m not sure, because I’ve never dated a friend. A few days ago, we were texting as usual and he said “I’m gonna tell you something.” I was like “Okay… shoot.” And he said “You don’t know this yet, but when I get back I’m going to marry you.”
Oh yeah. He’s in the Army Reserves and is deploying for a year to Afghanistan. Before he found out he was deploying I was trying really hard to convince him to move back home to Texas so we could be roomies. When I was going to move to Colorado he already planned to marry me if he ended up having to deploy so that the government would pay for my housing, so he would get extra seperation pay, and so I would have access to his bank account. So I said to him “Why wait?”
And so basically… we’re more than likely going to be married. Two hundred years ago, marriages were made based on how well a man could support you, and how well you could take care of him. In this age, that’s pretty much unacceptable and people marry only for love. I know it’s cliche, but I’ve lost a lot of faith in love, especially in marriage. You can love someone, but it doesn’t mean it will work. You have to make effort, and it doesn’t matter how much effort you put forth if the other person isn’t helping at all. People fuck up, a lot. Over half of marriages end in divorce. Being legally tied to someone sure makes it hard to break up.
So why should I marry solely for love? Why shouldn’t I marry someone I’m good friends with? I’ve never tried dating someone I was friends with first. Why do I have to date them for a certain period of time before we marry? I love an adventure, and spontaneous decisions come out great sometimes. (Geminis!) Why is it unacceptable for me to marry someone I can be secure with? I may not love him right now, but we will be financially secure. He treats people right, and we mesh well. Basically, we’ll be legal roommates. And if it progresses… so be it.
My tarot cards have been pretty helpful this past week. I’ve done readings for insight into my life and into these particular situations. It’s really helping me out. I’ve only told a handful of people, with mixed reactions. (About the marriage thing.) My father laughed, but the idea is totally acceptable to him. He was born in ’46, and he thinks that women need a man in their life for happiness. I disagree strongly! A friend of mine scoffed and said he couldn’t have me, but when I started explaining it to him he mostly kept quiet. I told my best friend last night, and her reaction was shocked, skeptical, curious, and… skeptical. She’s opposite of me. She’s extremely practical and sensible, but not very experienced with matters of the heart. She was suprised because it’s a big decision, concerned because I’m making it so lightly, curious about my motives since they aren’t the usual ones, skeptical of how it will turn out, and concerned for how it will turn out and the possibility of how it will hurt me. I’m not telling the rest of my family until he comes to Texas and I have a ring on my finger. I don’t want to ruffle all those feather if he flakes out on me and it doesn’t happen. (Geminis!)
So there you go, my completely random post. Odds are the majority of people that read it will disagree strongly with my actions and judge me. That’s fine. But dang it, I had to share all this with someone.
Posted in Uncategorized
Tags: ex, friends, journal, life, love, marriage, money, Mythic Tarot, random, relationships